Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
