My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
don't judge my taste in strippers
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
