3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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