She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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