I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
