Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
