Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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