He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
