woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
