so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
