pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
