If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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