So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
