i think my tv is drunk
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i think i just lost a toe
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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