What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
