Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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