You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
