He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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