We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
