i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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