What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
