It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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