I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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