Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
