Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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