The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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