Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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