went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
