she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
