HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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