The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
