Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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