he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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