Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
