I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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