How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
