oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
