WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Everything about him screamed your future.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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