I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
