quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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