so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
