oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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