one two three fourrrrnication!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
