your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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