Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
