Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
