He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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