Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
