the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
