you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How external is "for external use only"?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
