3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
