My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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