did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
