I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
