I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
