i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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