She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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